Beauty in Hell
by FairyKei
Summary: AU in which Petra lives through the tragic ordeal of her team in the forest. This follows both her and Levi as they attempt to continue their lives without their teammates; because they never knew how important they were to each other, until each other was all they had. Levi X Petra
1. Chapter 1- Punctured Souls

Hello there! I hope you enjoy my story. It will be released in 3 short parts, depicting the life of Levi and Petra after the tragedy of their team. They were my OTP, and I was heartbroken when Petra and left us! So to comfort us, I wrote this. Please enjoy, and review.

**Chapter 1- Punctured Souls**

I opened a bleary, beaten eye, and my world refused to come into focus. Closing it again, I assessed the damage; it felt like some of my ribs were broken. I tried to move my arm, but there was a horrifying squelching sound that sounded like blood, bones and muscles grinding together. There was almost no feeling, so I assumed that some nerves had also been torn apart. One of my eyelids was swollen shut; the socket was probably broken. And, a deafening throb resonated excruciatingly through my skull from the back. I must have really smashed my head.

Then, I remembered.

The titan had me, and- with a solitary kick- sent me hurtling into a tree, which tore apart my body and left me half-dead on the ground, before I even had a chance to kill it. Glory shone around me as I glanced into the eyes of my teammates, communicating our plans without the need for words. Determination was in their eyes, and we careered forward, reaching out to clasp the only hope we had left of defeating that female beast. Things did not go to plan, however, and I was lying here, unsure as to whether I was truly alive or not.

A tube was stuck uncomfortably in my healthy arm, presumably monitoring my blood, and another tube was jammed into my stomach. Life pumped painfully into my body, forcing me to feel every pulse of vitality. The agony proved that I was still here, but my mind was so blurred and my memory so vague that I felt like a doll. At home, I had rows of china dolls sat, swinging their legs off a shelf I had not touched since I was a little girl. I would sit and dress them every day, tell them stories, and wrench their heads forward to face me, frustrated that all they would do was flop over and look like they were zombies. Acutely aware of how similar my situation was to theirs right now, I grew sad enough to cry, but obviously no tears came out. All of my neurones were probably focused on healing my broken body, and not on indulging my human fears.

I wished that someone would cut me off from this existence. It seemed like I had been lying here gathering my thoughts for an eternity. For a while, I registered that the cart I had been lying in began to rumble over the cobbled stones in town, where the shouts of the townspeople enraged my battling heart with their poisonous words. Then there was some conversation going on around me, then I was placed carefully on a stretcher, and then I felt every single agonising bump of their footsteps until I was carried to the bed I currently recovered in. Nobody had said a word or tried to communicate with me. Was I brain dead? I had indeed been smacked into a tree in the giant forest, so maybe they thought I was worthless, and they were only keeping me alive because they felt obligated to try? Simply because I was in Squad Levi?

That was right… _Levi._

"…Le…Lev…i…" I muttered, my throat still blocked with dried blood. "Levi."

Although my ears were hardly working, I did hear a faint voice that sounded flat, blunt and so familiar. I forced that eye to open, and I kept it wide, wheeling my eye around to see who in the world had just talked. Then I found a shape that was a mixture of browns and greens, not facing me, looking out of the open window. When I noticed that, I noticed a cool breeze passing over my face, quenching the heat that came from my swollen wounds.

"…Captain?"

The figure turned around swiftly, and the tight feeling in my chest subsided when I saw him. His hair was dull and matted with grease, and dried blood, his skin was slick with sweat, and he was supported by a pair of wooden crutches and a bandage around his leg. Those injuries of his were terrible and distorted him greatly, but he had the same look on his face. The lips that were pressed into a hard line, the expressionless demeanour, and the pair of blank, bored-looking eyes… Yes, that was my Captain, Captain Levi.

"Captain…" I said again, desperate to be heard.

"Don't talk too much." Levi sighed, and sat down on the chair beside my bed. I blinked my world into existence, and soon I could clearly see the man beside me. There was something different about the way his eyes stared at me. Surrounded by furious dark circles, Levi's eyes were unblinking and held a pain that I did not understand yet.

"Am I dying?"

He deliberated for a moment. "You were. But you're out of the worst of it."

"What about the others? Are they okay?"

"…All of them were killed by the female titan."

"…"

"We were able to come back for the corpses. We thought you were a corpse too, until I checked that your heart was still beating. We had to abandon their bodies in the end; the carts were too heavy. They are still outside the walls."

I sniffed, and stared at the ceiling. So, my entire team had been slaughtered, leaving only me and the captain left. Despite the raw shock, I thanked my stars that I had not perished too, and left the captain alone.  
On my first mission, I pissed my pants. The men never allowed me to forget that, even bringing it up in front of Eren Jaeger. But, it was true. I was a young girl, so terrified facing my first titan that I could not control my body. I froze up, even my horse had skidded to a complete halt. But then Captain Levi had raced forward, and dispatched of the titan with a single swing from his twin swords. Back within the city walls, Oluo had patted me on the back and sardonically welcomed me to the special operations squad, otherwise known as 'Squad Levi'.

We obeyed Levi's draconian rules of cleanliness, mucked out the horses, and only we were witness to the captain's many personality defects. His short stature, irritable and blunt personality were all something we respected and trusted, and we would trust that man with our lives. We ate together, joked around together, and we killed countless titans. And now… it was only the captain and me, and all those times we had together as a team were mere memories.  
I did not want our friends to be considered 'those teammates we had once, but they died'. The memory of their touch was so fresh, I wanted to cry.

"Don't cry, Petra."

I already had tears streaming from my working eye.

"Your orders are to rest. Get some sleep."


	2. Chapter 2- Moving Forward

Hello. Thanks to the people who reviewed part 1! Here's part 2. Please enjoy and review. :)

**Part II- Moving Forward**

Over the years, I had heard horror stories of teams coming back with less than half of their forces remaining, and then I was dispatched on missions with the recon corps only to witness hundreds of deaths myself. I would watch the men scream in despair as their brothers, best friends, lovers were devoured by the titans, and I would order them to calm down- Captain Levi would save you, and collect their body too. I never imagined it would happen to us, the elite special operations squad. The captain was a human war machine, capable of almost anything. Not only that, but together, me and my teammates had a total kill count of over two hundred. We were not immune to fear, but we were nigh impossible to beat.

The amount of trust I placed in the captain was undeniable. But also, I swore to devote myself to him for life. Whether he returned my feelings or not, I would do so. Despite him being who he was, I could not help but love him and all of his quirks. He was admirable, too, and it amazed me how he was even able to get out of bed every day and fight.

It had been six weeks since my retrieval. We had not gone back to the city walls, instead going back to the hideout in the disused castle in order to continue protecting Eren Jaeger. At least the kid was safe. That was all the mission had achieved, in my eyes.

I was able to sit up and talk, and all of my broken bones head healed except for my arm. They had managed to stitch me up to kingdom come, put me in a splint, and allow for recovery time, but my arm was still impaired. I was correct about the nerve damage, and there was still an eerie numbness. I could just about grip a sword and swing it, but I would need a whole lot of extra training to get my skills back to their previous grandeur.

Captain Levi sat by my bedside every single day. When he was not giving or receiving orders, he was dusting, polishing, tidying, muttering to himself as he did so. He brought my food, opened the window for air. Really, he was waiting on me hand and foot.

"Um, Captain…" I said hesitantly. "I want to try walking today."

Levi's own leg had healed nicely, and he was back to his old, perfect physique. He turned around, still clutching a duster, and nodded slowly. "If you want to try, let's do it."

"'Let's'?"

"Well, you're in no condition to go running about just yet. Your feet haven't touched the ground for weeks."

Ah, yes. He meant that he would help me to recover. Deciphering his awkward yet direct words was a special skill known only to me and the other members of his squad. I smiled brightly with thanks, and flung off my covers.

Levi raised his eyebrows. "You're going to try now?"

I nodded. "There's no point in lazing around. I've got to get myself sorted so I can stop being a burden on you. I can't be the only one who got so badly injured."

"Getting you back to full health is more important than them."

I blushed furiously. He meant nothing by that blank remark. I was over-interpreting it. Still, I could not believe the words that escaped my mouth when I blurted out, "But why, Captain?"

"You're my last surviving teammate, Petra." Resigned, he placed his duster down and walked towards me, holding out his hand. "Get up, then."

With those simple words, Levi could convey so much gravity. The way he fixed my eyes with his, I was taken aback at the level of determination they held. Back when the female titan had killed my friends, I remembered having my vision long enough to catch a glimpse of a furious red illuminating Levi's eyes as he launched into a wild assault over their deaths. His general expression never changed, but I could always pick up the subtle yet intense feeling within him, just from his eyes.

I reached out with my good arm, and clasped his hand. It was rough, dry, and extremely warm. He pulled hard, and soon I was on my feet, swaying with instability. I gripped his hand as hard as I could, determined not to fall back onto the bed.

"I knew it. I can't do this on my own," I mumbled.

"What was that you were always prattling on to Eren? Have some faith in your comrades. And right now, I am your comrade, so put some faith in me."

"But I don't want to cause any more trouble than I already am."

"I'm ordering you, Petra, cause me a little trouble."

"Captain…"

How could I not be swayed by those words? Blushing once again, I straightened my quivering legs, and stood tall. I was almost the same height as Levi, who was shorter than average. That meant that as soon as I was upright, facing him, I could look directly into his eyes. I wobbled again, but Levi yanked hard to avoid letting me fall down. That closed the distance between us, and our heads were almost touching.

"Thank you."

He moved his lips to a hint of a smile, but he soon returned to his normal blank face. "Do you think you can walk now?"

"I- I don't know…"

"Let me rephrase: Walk."

I jumped to attention. After all this time following Levi's orders to the letter, I had learned that he did not bark out orders for the sake of giving orders. Whenever he ordered someone to do something, it was like he was saying: 'I believe in your strength'. He would not give an order if he thought that it was impossible.  
With this in mind, I released my grip- albeit reluctantly- and stood alone. Panicking, I flailed around, trying to find something to grab onto other than my captain, but failed. That would not stop me. I placed one tired foot in front of the other, and again, and again, until walking felt very natural.

"That's great!" I remarked. "I can train again soon." I turned to face him. "Then I can continue supporting you. I'm not going to leave your side, Captain."

Levi did not say anything for a few moments. "I couldn't save them. Our comrades, I mean. Nor could I beat the titan."

The dark shadows around his eyes were more accented, and my good mood was shattered. Maybe I had taken the captain's mental fortitude for granted. Of course he was just as traumatised by this loss as I was. Had I not seen him on the battlefield before? No matter who it was, Levi would do his utmost to support the dying in their last moments, considering every death to be a sadness and a waste. Though he displayed unrivalled mental strength, it was silly of me to assume he would recover quickly from the deaths of the people he trusted his life with.

"Captain, I…"

"Just, Levi."

My heart skipped a beat. "I'm not going anywhere. I don't blame you for losing them. I blame myself and my lack of strength. So please, allow me to keep on serving you and looking after Eren as a member of Squad Levi."

I could have sworn that Levi smiled again, but I dismissed the thought out of pessimism.

"By the way," he said, "Your father read me that letter of yours."

I froze. _No, he didn't. Please God, no._

"I must say, it was enlightening. As was the discussion I had with him afterwards."

"No, that's-! Ah, I mean, there was nothing _weird _about that or anything. I just meant that, you know, ah, no, I don't!"

He knew. He knew I liked him. Wishing bitterly I had kept my fat mouth shut about my feelings, I flushed crimson and turned away. I thought Levi had been acting oddly nice to me these past few weeks, but lord, I had never guessed that my father showed him my letter. And not to mention- that thing was private! Nobody was supposed to know about that except my family!

"Don't have a breakdown under my watch," he said, as I was freaking out.

_Calm the hell down, _I told myself. _Just follow the situation. There's no going back now, so just say everything you want to say. Otherwise, it will never get said and you'll be regretting it._

"Captai- I mean, Levi," I muttered, "What did you mean, when you said my health was more important?"

"When did I say that?"

"Not long ago!" I snapped, hiding my embarrassment.

"Oh… that. I just meant that you are a more valued soldier."

"But how?"

"You just are."

I sighed, frustrated. But, I could not help but retain that small ray of hope in my heart. What a horrible way to get found out, and not only that, but Levi had known this since our corps returned to town to deliver the bodies six weeks ago. That was the only chance my dad would have had to show him the letter.

Levi put his arms around me, and hugged me.

_What?_

I leaned into his chest, not believing it to be true. Levi rested his forehead against mine and looked me in the eyes. Flushing, I tried to avert my gaze, but I found it impossible.


	3. Chapter 3- Opening the Door

Welcome! Here is the final part to my Levi X Petra story, written in order to heal myself and others from the reality of what happened. (This is why I adore fanfictions... The mind has no limits, right?) Anyway, I hope you like it. Enjoy, and review! Thank you! :)

**Part 3- Opening the Door**

I was more relieved than anything to be up and about once again. Days after Levi's single moment of tenderness, I could now walk, run, swing my sword, anything. I was eating solid food, training, looking after Eren, all the usual activities. For intents and purposes, I was in perfect health, but I certainly did not feel like it.

The images of my comrades' faces and the sounds of their dying screams were damaging enough, but there was also the bitter thought of _what could have been. _If I had perhaps been stronger, everyone would still be here, enjoying this interlude of peace with Levi and me. Every time I washed my hands, they would flash at me, covered in thick red blood, as if they were reminding me of my guilt. I think I would have gone insane if it weren't for a certain captain of mine. I was following him around constantly without realising it, only when I bumped into him or he asked me a question.

In the mess room, I stumbled upon Eren and Armin. Surprised to see Armin, a low-ranking soldier, here with him, I questioned them. Apparently, the top cadets who chose to stay here were allowed to, and that included Eren's friend and tactician, Armin. I smiled, and patted him on the head.

"Welcome to the home of the special operations," I said, ruffling his hair. "Now, go and muck out the horses."

"Yes!" He saluted me, and ran out of the door as if I had seriously scared him. Honestly, how did this squirt face so many titans? I laughed to myself, and spoke with Eren.

"You've been following Captain Levi around a lot lately."

No, I did not want to hear that people were starting to notice my feelings, too. Was I emitting some kind of glow? At any rate, Eren stared at me with such seriousness; I could not dignify myself with a proper response.

"Well, that's…"

"Did you know that the whole time you were unconscious, he refused to leave your body? He checked on you all the time, and when he had to run an errand or speak to the commanders, he would always hurry back to see if you had shown signs of recovery."

He was talking to me in an accusatory tone, but I could understand his words. Levi was a dedicated leader, but for him to go so far as to not leave my bedside… I was flustered. It could have been because we were the last two survivors of our close-knit, elite squad, but I could not control the sudden thumping of my heartbeat.

"Go and talk to the captain," Eren encouraged me. "He was looking for you earlier." At last, the boy smiled, and I was finally able to speak normally.

I saluted him, and left the room. Strengthened by Eren's words, I went to find my captain. He was not with the horses, he was not out in the fields, nor was he out training. Of course. I hurried to the cleaning cupboard and swung open the door.  
The musty smell struck me immediately. Dust, bleach, cloth, all those scents wafted out of the tiny room. There were shelves, neatly ordered with stacks of rags, dusters, chemicals, and other instruments whose purpose I could not guess. Despite the ancient, windowless room being the age that it was, everything was spotless, except for the thick layer of dust that permeated the air. I coughed and doubled back, but kept my watery eyes open.

"Captain!"

Amongst the sea of materials, Levi's hunched figure was situated, carefully selecting a duster for his tasks. When he heard me call his title, he stood up, wearing his apron, and nodded slowly. His expression was always so at ease whenever he was surrounded by cleaning things. An odd observation, but it was true.

"How are your exercises coming along?" he asked, putting the duster down. He walked towards me, and I backed out of the room, taking him with me. He closed the wooden door, and the sound echoed through the corridor, which was empty.

I smiled. "Good. I think I'm almost fully recovered." _Physically, at least. _I was sure he knew that I was faking my smile; he also knew that _I _knew that he was cleaning even more than usual. His neuroticism had erupted lately, and he flogged anyone who did not clean properly. Our reactions definitely had something to do with the deaths of our friends.

God, why did that always spring to mind? It was like I was obsessing over their deaths, romanticising it with false memories of how heroic and tragic it all was.

"Are you okay, Petra?"

I put my hand on his chest to stop him coming any closer. "I'm fine, Captain." I forced another smile. "See?"

Levi smacked my hand away. Searing with pain, I withdrew, scared. Levi's anger, though only mild, still stuck fear into me. Whenever he sensed weakness coming from a person, Levi would always react like this. I respected him for that.

"Sorry," I muttered. "I shouldn't be deceiving you like this. I've had a lot on my mind, since…"

Since their deaths? No, since that time when he embraced me, touching me for the first time. The places where his hands rested on me still smouldered.

"Since what?" That tone of his was so… forceful.

My voice went miniscule. "Since you hugged me. Captain, how do you feel about me? Please give me an answer, before I start thinking stupid things, and making stupid assumptions. Because I don't know what to think anymore… You know how I feel about you, right?"

I sounded like a whining brat, or some love-obsessed cadet. I was aware of how idiotic I sounded, and Levi probably was, too. His expression never changed. Normally I would be okay with that, but right now it was frustrating, not knowing what he was truly feeling. He never, ever told anyone how much pain _he _was in, or anything he felt.

"Didn't I tell you," he breathed, "to call me 'Levi?'"

He bent forward, and kissed my forehead.

"L-Levi? So, can you give me an answer or not?"

He cleared his throat. He was feeling extremely awkward. I could tell; he had gone rigid, like all his effort was being poured into what was coming out of his mouth.

"…Yes."

"Yes, what?" I insisted.

"Yes, I feel the same way about you." He kissed my forehead again, and, elated, I grabbed him into my arms.

Shocked, Levi tried to get out, but I melted into his chest, and he relented, putting his arms around me. One arm went around the small of my back, and the other touched my cheek. I could feel the blood rushing to my head. Was a human being capable of blushing as much as I did around Captain Levi?  
Speaking of blushing… The tips of Levi's ears had gone a curious tone of scarlet.

"Only you could have gotten me to say something so gushy."

"Gushy's good once in a while." _Right now, we just need to stick together and protect Eren and the others._

He closed his eyes, breathing slowly. Our noses were almost touching, less than an inch away from each other. I could smell on his breath, the scent of bread and alcohol. His clothes smelled of cleaning products and hay. I took in the scent, but had little chance to absorb it all before Levi pulled my face forward, and kissed my lips.

He lingered for a long time, parting his mouth and then closing it again. I moved with him.

"Captain- I mean, Levi… Let's just endure everything together from now on, okay?"

"I have no objection to that," he said flatly, before resting his head on my shoulder. "Now, stop ordering me around and help me clean the bedrooms."

I smiled gently, before reopening the cupboard door. Yes, Levi would never change, and neither would I. Those would be our personalities till the end, even after we had lost everything else dear to us.

But, if I could help him show all the affection he possessed, and if he could help heal my scarred mind with strength, I thought that I would be the luckiest woman in the world.


End file.
